I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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