Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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