he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
