its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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