i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
