I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
