Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
