Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
