it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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