He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
