everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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