i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
