That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
