Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I AM VODKA MAN
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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