Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
