we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
