Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
