This girl is more easily done than said...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
