I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He shit in the fireplace
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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