her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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