apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
