If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
