aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
