they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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