I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
