we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
