i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
