Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
