People in love make me want to vomit
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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