fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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