apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
accomplished twins. life is a go
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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