so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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