woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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