Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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