In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
