I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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