i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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