I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize