my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
