Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
