Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize