We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
