dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
