I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
