Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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