You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
