WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
