My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
