I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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