96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
