yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
