Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
