And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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