You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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