my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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