she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
