I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
