So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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