It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
