I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
