Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
