Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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