fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
