ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
