yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
