Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
