Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
