Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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