made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
