somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
