listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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