My balls are so social today.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
