Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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