He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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