Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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