No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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