Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
vagina is talking i cant
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
