decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
