We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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